Get Yourself a Ring Tone

So I decided to write this one about me. Yea suckers, that’s right…

But you get to participate.

I was asked to identify a skill that I can do better than the average room of 100 people. The thought of which is worthy of significant consideration. Imagine this: you, wait... imagine me standing in a hotel conference room with carpeted walls and a disco ball over-head, with 100 randomly selected people from the worlds ever growing population. A suited gentleman, i can only assume is the organizer of this fandango, stands before us with a mega-phone and tells us "that every material and prop ever invented is on hand in the next carpet-walled conference room and that we (the people) will be asked to perform a skill that we feel we can perform more better than the other 99 people in the room. However, should one of the other 99 people prove that they can perform the skill better than you; you have to actually perform a task from the book 'Would you Rather.' The task will be selected at random, and there will be no negotiations, you'll have to actually chose one and do it." Given the world of opportunity presented by this challenge, I've taken some time to consider some things that I'm really fuckin good at.

The first one that came to mind was attending large parties that I'm sure I know fewer than 2% of the people in attendance. Knowing that I don't know anyone at a party literally guarantees that I'm going to have a total blast. (The skill here is my ability to Rock It at a party alone). I'll dance with old people, talk with the manly crowd, mingle with the young ladies, and try to lick the ice sculpture before the night is through. However the thing that makes me so damn good at this is that I know I'm not being judged by anyone. If there were even a possibility that someone were having a better time (the would be victor of the challenge) than I would definitely not try to lick the sculpture. Too risky.

Then I thought, I really kick ass at inventing games never before seen by the human race using only primitive materials used as building materials in modern society. I once created a game where we'd throw pieced of asphalt at bee hive that was perched on a tree next to a road (made of asphalt). The only rules of the game were that the first person to get stung by a bee lost the round (at the time only one round needed to be played as the loser was guaranteed to start crying uncontrollably and begging for mommy). The skill of the game was to stand as far away as possible and still be able to nail the bee hive, so that one of your less accurate friends would inevitably get attacked by a swarm of bees. The skill of 'inventing a game never before seen by the human race using only primitive materials used as building materials in modern society' is easily derailed by someone from a developing country simply lying about the fact that said game had been played for years in their homeland. Assholes.

After racking my brain for a few seconds, I was distracted by a escalating beep a few feet from me in my cube. An alarm immediately went off in my head and my right foot instinctively raised off the ground. The alarming beep sounded exactly like a radar detector I once used on a road trip to Vermont. This awoke my senses and also made me realize the thing I can do better than anyone else in a random room of 100 people. I can identify sounds, be it songs, grunts, clanks, cranks, or smacks, I can almost always put a sound to an object or action. So bring it on 99 randomly selected people from the worlds growing population. I dare you play 3 seconds of a Neyo ring tone and identify it faster than me... You can't.

This is where you come into play. Stop thinking about other people or your stupid job for a second and ask yourself what your skill would be if you were in that room. Leave it on the message board. Maybe someday we'll all be in the same room and we can challenge each other. Or just randomly when we're on the street you can "throw down." (i just did it, i just created a game out of no where...)